After eating lunch today, my mind was more active than usual as I returned to my office, where I’m currently sitting in my rocking chair, typing away on my laptop. While I was taking that short walk from home to work, I simultaneously marveled at the “perfectness” of this June day in Kennebunk while seriously pondering the next step to take on my life’s path. How could anything possibly be troubling me when the sun is shining brightly, the temperature is 72ºF, and there’s a gentle, cool breeze that keeps biting insects at bay? Today is one of those days on the southern Maine coast when you can’t even imagine wanting to live anywhere else but here!
Yet, I do think about living elsewhere and have done so ever since I was drawn back to this state after a six year stint in Las Vegas. And it’s not because I think that this is a bad place to live, quite the contrary. Although I sometimes feel lonely here, I’ve always felt at home in Maine. The juxtaposition of the sea and the heavily forested land lends a beauty unmatched by other places that I’ve visited. From early in my youth, it was the state I most longed to explore. I remember watching the Gothic soap opera “Dark Shadows” from the age of nine, and despite the ghosts, vampires, and…drama that populated the fictional town of Collinsport, Maine, just hearing about the fishermen, the rocky shores, and the tempestuous New England sea sparked a feeling of familiarity inside. Yes, I definitely wanted to travel to Maine! But it took more than 25 years for me to first smell the salt air and see the craggy shores that I’ve come to love. I recall crying as my husband and I drove away from the perfectly appointed Old Fort Inn where we stayed in Kennebunkport that long-ago October, sadly needing to get on the road again after two glorious days by the sea. It was the first time in Maine for both of us, and we loved it! We returned about a year later for a much longer stay, enjoying that second visit even more than the first. But it wasn’t until the turn of the century that we actually moved to the Town of Kennebunk. And although the next ten years were wonderful for the most part, they were also filled with loss and grief. Maybe those painful memories are what sometimes lead me to question my living here—not if this is where I’m meant to be, but if this is where I’m meant to stay.
I never truly doubt at any given moment in time that I’m anywhere other than where I’m supposed to be. Even during the worst moments since coming back here to live, I knew that I had made the “right” decision; I could feel with certainty that there was a reason (probably several) why I was destined to live here again. My life situation today is very different than it was when Kennebunk first became my place of residence, and in most regards, it’s far more challenging. There are a huge number of…unknowns. Now, I must state the obvious (well, at least to me): “A huge number of unknowns” is an apt description of the norm these last few years in most every part of the world and, therefore, most everyone’s life situation. Recognizing that this ever-evolving world in which we live is currently changing even more rapidly and broadly than it has for many decades may cause one to re-examine certain aspects of his/her life. Among the questions that arise in my consciousness daily are the following: “In what kind of community and in which part of the world do I want to live?” “In what way(s) could my unique talents and gifts best be used to serve others while also providing what I need and desire for myself?” “Am I wisely spending my days being true to my essence while allowing others to do the same?” “Since I’m alive at this transitional time in Earth’s history, is there a specific role that I’m meant to play in order to help…usher in a way of life across the globe that is more…wholesome, joyful, and enlightened than human society has experienced in a long while?”
I don’t know about you, but those weighty questions are what drive me these days; they are the ones going round and round in my head. Like every other human being, I have people I love and those who love me. I have responsibilities to my loved ones as well as to myself. There are things that I always enjoy doing (dancing comes to mind) and things that most often are done in a state of acceptance, but not with joy (washing the dishes or doing the laundry). I have bills to pay, taxes to file, daily tasks to perform, and endless choices to make; some of these are easier and more…comfortable than others, and most all are a necessary part of living. But for me, a life without purpose or one that doesn’t contribute to the common good is not a life worth living. The same goes for a life without beauty, laughter, art, music, love, and joy. I believe that the key to living a fulfilling life is finding the balance between each of these factors, combined with a mission—a purpose—that makes this world a better place to live for all of humankind. Somehow, I know that my role is to inspire and help others find that balance. The various ways in which I might do that is what’s up for review.
Lastly, I must admit that (after seven years of not sharing my thoughts in this particular format) what I’ve addressed here is not what I originally envisioned for my opening blog, but it IS what beckoned me to write today. Three earlier attempts last week to write it (using the title of “change”) may have touched on what I’ve said here, but the results left me cold. Yes, change is a good topic, and I have a lot to say about it. Maybe a blog on change written at a later date will flow as easily as this one did; if so, you’ll see it here in the future. All I know for sure is that what I just wrote is what I’m meant to share with those who find their way onto my site. In this moment in time, I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be, doing exactly what I’m meant to do!